很快就要與基督城的家人朋友分離三個月
然後回到台灣與那邊的家人朋友相處

每次環境的轉化都會帶來心境極大的轉換

在不同的地方的涵涵
都是不同的涵涵，但又是一樣的涵涵

在台灣的時後我好愛台灣，甚至會考慮回台灣
但是回到紐西蘭，又還是覺得習慣這邊的一切
這次回去或許會有些不同的牽掛
也不知道心境會如何
畢竟三個月説長不長，説短不短

可喜可賀的是，這次會碰到很多這邊的朋友

這次回去主要的目的是新酒巡迴
很不一樣的體驗、很不一樣的服事
但是我很期待！
我期待將來可以被神大大的使用
所以我會很珍惜這次的學習

台灣～我來了！

這陣子壓力有點大
習慣將壓力隱藏的我
總是到最後才發現自己的無力

學習知道自己的極限
是我一直在面對的功課

Full Time的神學課程
家教的學生們
剛過的營會
團契未來一年的樣子
都是最近佔據我腦海的事務

我禱告…這全部的全部 到最後都繞著耶穌轉

很久沒有這種感覺了….

我感謝上帝讓透過今晚很多的分享
給我很多的提醒跟鼓勵
感謝神使用我 也禱告自己更多的跟神綁在一起

禱告我們教會的團契
都是屬神真正棒的團契

我是個矛盾的人

我不愛跟人起衝突
但是又在某種狀況下會很忍不住的造成衝突
而過後又非常的痛苦…
真的是沒事找事做的個性

為甚麼不能就啥都不管
反正又不關我的事 又不礙到我
這麼雞婆根本就是100%的吃力不討好
sigh….. so what am I doing all these for???????

整個人就很亂 情緒反反覆覆的
一下很不爽 很多怒氣
一下又覺得這樣好嗎 我是不是太harsh了？
總之在怒氣慢慢的平息之後…
心心提醒我很多事情
其中最扎心的一句話事

我們要用愛心說誠實話
但是如果沒辦法有愛，那就連實話都不要説吧！
恩….還是安安靜靜的把我該做的事情做好吧
至於其他的 就先算了吧

sigh….

P.S.
wordpress開到現在有46,018個views
不知不覺的也累積了這麼多
前陣子因為功課的關係都寫英文blog
不過還是中文比較容易表達

The past year had been a very tough year for Christchurch, since September earthquake last year, many people had lost their loved ones, homes, businesses, heritages and lots more we cant think of. Even thinking about all these or thinking back of what happened, the memories make me want to cry. It is still so heartbreaking and so hard to believe we had lost so much.

I remember when the 22 Feb earthquake happened I was at home washing dishes, I couldn’t stand still and had to bend my knees extend my arms to balance myself. After that I tried to contact my sister, but because the Vodafone system was down so my other sister went to her work place to check out if she was okay, then I lost contact with them for 4 hours (work is only 3 mins drive from home). Though I was worries, but somehow I had peace in me, I waited for them and watched news on TV. When they finally got home, they told me the story of how they helped a mum with her car trapped on upper lever of the car park and they took her to per school to pick up her kid then took them home at the other side of town. I guess I had the peace in me because I believed my sister were in God’s hands and I also know they are the kind of people who will reach out to the ones in need.

On that night, we found foods and blankets at home and brought it to Burnside high. On the second day, we gathered around at church and tried to see what we can do to support our city. We then made meals for the suburbs that were damaged, for the people cant get out of the house to shop or if they have to clean up their house. A group of young people went around and see if people need a hand on cleaning up the liquefaction. After that, I had a very special experience of taking medias from China and then I got to go in to CBD, see our beloved city so dead and empty. It feels very different when you are so close to the first line of things, to see the rescuers working, see the police and press meetings all set up in the Art Gallery made me feel more real to what is happening. After the media group left the country, I then had the chance to work with Grace Vineyard church and help to prepare meals for the elderly people there. It was very tiring and time consuming, organized to make meals for 70 people everyday and drop it off at New Brighton is a big commitment but very rewarding in another way. Because we were only making the meal, not sending the meals to their homes, sometimes we do wonder is what we are doing worth it? Do the people still need help or are they just lazy to cook? But when I heard stories of what we were doing helped so many people and how it comforted their hearts, I knew it’s all worth it.

I thank God for giving me a safe house and protecting all my families and friends. I thank God for giving me lots so I could give out.

Today was my turn to do the presentation and my topic was about Autism,
I can remember when I was doing the research, I found it hard at times….
not because the topic is hard or I am afraid of public speeches,
but reading every individual true stories and watching different clips on youtube…
Its so hard to see others when they are suffering and sad…

Still, there were some very enjoyable moments,
while looking at the children’s photos or videos,
I can feel the simple joy they are sharing to me,
I know when they smile, its real
I know when they cry, its real
I know when they think, its serious
I am just so touched by how sincere they are…

They let me think of Timothy,
he’s not an Autistic kid, because the doctors still cant find whats wrong with him
but among all his symptoms, he had nearly most of the Autism symptoms
and there are more of other physical symptoms as well…..

Taking care of Timothy is not an easy job,
He still can’t communicate with people, and his parents will often have to guess what he needs
We know that he loves to eat cheese, sandwich
loves to play with toys that makes sounds
loves to kick and loves to hold a block in his hand
loves to climb up high and loves it when you hold him up high
but we dont know what he needs when he makes sound showing that he’s not happy
all we know is that he’s not happy
but we dont know if he’s sick, hungry, tired, frustrated etc

I had baby sit Timothy a few times,
a very routine life is very important for him and he feels more comfortable when he’s at home
which means its hard for the parents to go anywhere else
they can’t go to friends place for visit, they cant go on family outings
they can’t go shopping in the mall or even just doing some very basic daily stuff
if they want to, one will have to stay and one can go
because Timothy cant stay outside for too long apart from being at school

so thats why me and my sisters so often will offer baby sit help
to take care of Timothy and his full of energy little sister
so daddy and mummy can go our for a movie, a date or just some own time to have a rest

I so happy to have known the family, it might seem like i am helping them
but in fact, they are helping me to see more things in life that i had never seem before

我發現…..如果我沒有記事本或是notice app
那我真的會忘記很多事
腦袋要裝太多東西不夠用
敬拜團服事表
團契敬拜團服事表
營會同工開會時間表
主日會後關懷輪班表
社青查經主責表
主日學代課表
還有自己的八個學生家教時間表
報告考試截止日
再加上課表好了….

如果再加上每個項目會有的其他to do list
那筆記本也不夠寫

我要思考怎麼把生活再更簡單化了….

神是賜平安的神
而真正的平安是要在苦難中才可以經歷的

順遂的日子 = 平安 ?

門徒在失去人生目標、毫無倚靠、膽怯懼怕的時候
耶穌跟他們説 “願你們平安”
那樣是多麼強大的平安阿

今年的後半年對我來說真的是充滿挑戰
不知道是不是因為前幾年太糟
上帝知道我前半年剛起步禁不起太大的壓力
所以前半前似乎過的很輕鬆
而這後半年簡直是完全相反

不但課業重了幾乎兩倍
服事變多 11月的營會一結束隔天就期末考
還碰上搬家
和無理取鬧又情緒化的可怕室友
不交錢 反反覆覆 罵髒話……
讓自己為理性跟超耐壓的我都忍不住壓力而哭了出來
搬家的前前後後真的是頭大又心煩
整個房子的東西搬到兩個房間
賣阿 丟阿 搬阿 還有之後的清潔 交屋…..
沒有太多的時間適應新的環境 因為報告接踵而來的讓我追不上

但是也因為這些讓我看到了神的恩典滿滿
身邊的妹妹 朋友都是我的好支柱
不只是行動上的出力出時間 還有心靈上的陪伴跟支持
兩個可愛的同學陪我一起熬這神學的旅程跟對付英文這個大魔王
心心每天晚上睡前的談心 華華的每逢搬家必請假
亞叮噹的好多好好吃晚餐 阿迪子的音樂相隨……
每個週一的與陳小公主下午約會
還有上帝給我的八個可愛家教小朋友～
這些天使都給我好多的神奇力量更往前

雖然環境中有許多的不容易跟苦難
但我相信這都是神的祝福
所以我要謝謝天父讓我的生命如此的豐盛！

P.S. 好久沒寫日記 有點語無倫次 也有點發洩心情

This week in class we talked about Chaplaincy,
Before this class, i never heard of the word and know nothing about it
so it was pretty interesting to know that there are Chaplains in so many different work forces

But what I learnt the most wasn’t how Chaplaincies work,
it was what happened in class today….
I remember when we were talking about Army Chaplaincy,
someone in the classroom said he disagrees with the total idea.
He said as Christians we shouldn’t kill and to have Chaplain in the Army is like
you kill someone, you feel bad and then you go to pray for forgiveness……
at that time i have to admit i was a bit upset with his thought,
so i argued with him that army is not about killing
and because I came from a country when joining the army is a must for men
and we have experience lots of wars so having the army is so important to the country
the argument kind of went on for a while and i started to doubt myself….
i wonder where did my anger come from, why do i have to be upset?
though i still feel what i saying was correct, but there were no need for anger….

so i pray to God and said,
“I dont know if I should say sorry or not,
so i really want to ask the teacher what he felt
but also i want to apologize for my anger”
and our God is always amazing!
I dont know why that guy left the classroom few minutes before class finishes
but when the class finished, he wasnt in the classroom
so i had the chance to talk to Alan and then he got back after that
then had the chance to say sorry to him

though looking back it seems like nothing or a small deal
but still our Lord listens to our prayers and looks after our needs
no matter how small they are!!

Thank you Lord

This week in class we talked about drug addiction. I cant remember how, but the topic of “should we smack kids” arose. I was brought up in a family with both parents believed in smacking and I guess this is why I myself do think it is a good way for punishment as well.

Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24) This is what the Bible said and this is another reason why I still believe and will in the future do them same to my own kids. This is hard when it comes to the law, because now in New Zealand it is something illegal and I have to make the decision to obey the law or follow the Bible.

we also talked about drug addiction and i have to admit, this is an area im very unfamiliar with…. i have never saw nor tasted drugs before, i have not dealt with any drug related issues before. But still i found this to be a very common issue for some kiwis. I wonder what will I do when I come across issues like this one day. I had heard that even if people get rid of the addiction, it is still very easy to fell in again. I guess all addictions are the same, its just how can we rely on God instead of the other things……